Why September Feels Like Emotional Warfare: A Former Teacher's Honest Take on Back-to-School Trauma
I used to think I was the only one who felt physically sick every August, seeing the back-to-school posters roll in. I literally had to look the other way (although I still do have to at times now). From the start of August onwards I wanted to hide under the covers when September approached. If this is you, I want you to know - there's nothing wrong with you. Your body is remembering something your mind might not even consciously recall.
The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgets
I became a primary school teacher fulfilling a dream from when I was 5 years old but I didn’t realise the run up to every September training to be a teacher and then as a teacher would be filled with anxiety, awful dreams and worry.
Add in becoming a mum to four incredible boys and not wanting them to start school (by this point I was no longer a teacher), let alone go back every September filled me with feeling sick, unable to think start and wanting to run away somewhere hot avoiding reality.
My body clung on to this feeling of dread so that every summer I have felt shaky, uneasy, anxious. Often unable to look at a calendar and having to walk fast past any back to school adverts.
Why Your Nervous System Goes Off the Rails in September
Your body responds to how we feel. When our body feels that we are in a state of fight or flight our body wants to keep us safe. Our nervous system sends signs letting our body know that we are not feeling safe and your body reacts accordingly. Adrenaline is pumped in our body prepping us for a quick getaway or to attack.
We can feel shaky, uneasy, heart racing faster than normal, sweaty and not able to think straight. Looking at a calendar used to make me feel sick, dizzy and not able to focus. The body felt that I was unsafe. Our body cannot distinguish between a real threat ie a scary dog chasing us in the woods or an imaginary threat, in my case what could happen when September came around. The stress response has kicked in causing us to feel this way.
Your nervous system isn't being dramatic. It's doing exactly what it was designed to do - keep you safe based on past experiences.
The stress response is designed to switch on and off when needed, however sometimes this does not happen causing us to be in red alert. This then leaves us in a constant state of feeling stressed and anxious.
When You're Supposed to Be the Calm One
When you are already struggling and trying to deal with how your own body is feeling as well as your emotions it can then feel impossible to be there for others. This can then add pressure to already a hard situation of trying to dumbdown how you are feeling whilst trying to get a grip on being there for your spouse, your children, your friends.
You're doing the best you can with a nervous system that's working overtime. Know that that's not weakness - it’s survival. The old cliche but you are trying so hard to spin all of the plates whilst keeping a smile on your face, its tough and in all honesty is it really obtainable?
What Actually Helps (Beyond Just 'Breathing Exercises')
After a tough summer due to a family emergency I was surprised how I dealt with August and the approach to summer. It wasn't nearly as bad as it has been in the past. This year I put in place many tools that I know work for me and I used these to help me calm my nervous system.
Some of these tools are in my free guide which you can download here.
These tools helped me to stop the vicious cycle that my body was in of kicking out adrenaline and causing me to feel so shaky, wobbly, light headed and sick. They essentially helped me to ground myself again meaning that I was able to look about what was around me, enjoy the sunshine, the beach, laugh at something funny and not always feel tight chested if the word ‘September’ or ‘school’ was brought up.
Here is a list of tools that I used. These aren't just feel-good tips. These are evidence-based tools that can actually calm your nervous system:
Getting outside as often as I could, ideally bare foot, to ground myself. It has been proven that being in nature causes our body to feel more calm.
Going for a sea swim.
Nourishing my body with good food and drink.
Lots of cuddles and physical contact with my children and husband. This gets the oxytocin flooding in our body which causes our body to regulate and not stay in a stress response cycle.
Playing games. This gives us a great hit of dopamine, the feel good hormone counteracting those feelings of dread.
Going on walks.
Saying no to certain things. When we are already jacked and feeling trauma our body is using lots of energy to do day to day stuff so when we add in extra things ie social events this can deplete our energy too much causing us to struggle and disengage.
Reading. I love reading so doing this as often as I could was a treat and flooded me with dopamine.
Gardening.
Laying on the grass doing nothing.
Listening to my breath. This helped me to instantly feel calm, control my breathing if it was getting erratic and help me to stay present when my mind was swirling with imaginary, scary September scenarios.
Listening to music really loud and singing along.
Being gentle with myself. We are human and we need to remember that we are not robots, we can have all the advice in the world but remembering it when we most need it can be hard so we need to just be kind to ourselves.
Treating myself. This is a hard one for me but when I did do it I felt immediate love for myself and empathy.
The guide I have written has more detailed tools that you can try which you can download here.
The above is a list of what has helped me this summer to feel more regulated. I would encourage you to have a go and try things but only keep going with things that you enjoy that then can become part of your own toolkit. Pushing to do certain things that you don’t actually enjoy won’t work and will not help you to feel calm as your body will know you are forcing it.
Remember when trying any of these tools do not berate yourself if they don’t work they way you were hoping they would or you keep forgetting to do them. Remember it takes 21 days to make an activity into a habit so just keep going with it.
September doesn't have to hijack your nervous system every year. If you're tired of dreading this season, of feeling like you're failing your family when you can barely hold yourself together, there's help. Your past doesn't have to dictate your present. You deserve to experience September - and life - from a place of calm, not chaos.
I also wanted to end with acknowledging that whilst these tools are super beneficial and continue to help me, if you need to talk to someone about your past or present trauma or just how your body is reacting at the moment then do reach out. Feel free to message me here or book a free 15 minute consult (can book here) or reach out to another psychotherapist.