Do we really know how to do Self Care?

We talk quite a lot now about self care.  It is a well known phrase.  Lots of talk around needing self care and making time for self care but what could we do for self care?

Years ago if someone asked me what I did for self care I would have been stomped because I had not thought about what that meant for me.  I associated self care with guilt.  I felt guilty putting my needs first and even thinking about doing something for me.

However I worked through this by shifting my narrative and being kinder on myself.  Also understanding that when I am full I can then be fully there for others.  Think of the cup being overflowing which means that I can then pour goodness into the other cups around me.

I looked at different ways to put in self care some that worked and some that didn’t but all was part of a good journey.

I learnt that when my children were young little was better than no self care at all.  I also learnt that having some sort of idea or plan of what I was going to do when I had the time was better as no idea often meant that  I would spend that time dotting around like a headless chicken from place to place excited that I had the time but not an idea of what to do with it.  

I would take a book with me in the pram so a baby nap meant a bit of reading time for me.  Or an afternoon nap at home meant some sewing time or time sitting doing nothing which was such a rarity.

As my children got older I was able to plan a bit easier and for longer amounts.  I also learnt to do things that I enjoyed doing not what I thought I should do.

This is very very important, to do what you love.  It may seem obvious since it is in the title, ‘self love’ but I think it can be massively overlooked.  We may have an image of what self love should be instead of what you would like it to be and go with that instead.  

Or you may feel that you will be judged in you do the thing you really want to do.

I implore you to go with what you like doing as you will find it more enjoyable, nourishing and you are more likely to put in the time and effort for self love again.

Years ago I thought during my time I should do some exercise.  It was suggested to me to try swimming.  I do not like swimming in a swimming pool unless it is under perfect conditions.  But since it was suggested to me by the person whom would be looking after my children at the time I thought I would do it.

I dreaded going to the swimming pool.  The whole time I was swimming I was petrified that I would touch someone’s feet or they would touch mine (I have a foot phobia) and I felt physically sick.  The whole experience was horrendous and I did not like any minute of it.  The icing on the cake was when someone did touch me with their feet which took me days to get over.  I did not feel any self love in that hour of being in the pool and it taught me a vital lesson.  That swimming was not going to be something I did for self care.  It also taught me not to say yes to someones else’s suggestion when I did know want to do it, but that is another conversation.

If you are not sure where to start with what self love you are going to do I would suggest writing a list.  Write down all the things that you love to do or would like to try.  Don’t worry about time scales or how it will actually work, just start with writing down what you love.

This list can then be used to help you decide what you are going to do with your self love time.  Some may need to be preplanned.  Some you may need resources for ie a book if you want to spend time reading or crafting materials if you want to craft.  If you do need to pre plan that is fine, just add in some time do that before your self love time.

Remember that this part although it may seem like an effort is so very worth it.  It is worth it because it is for you and are worth the effort.

I would also suggest that dependent on your week you may need to plan in your self love times, if that is you then make sure you put it in your planner otherwise it might not get done and will be forgotten about.

If you have young children that you need to fit your self care into their nap times or routine then have everything you need for your self love ready so that you won’t miss it.

I go on about this bit because I think it is important that you have everything you need ready so that you actually have self care time.

So I hope that this week you will make a start, even if it is five minutes, it is a start in the right direction for putting that blessed time for you.  If you forget or falter, try not to be too disheartened and try again.  Keep trying, keep getting curious about what you need and what self care you are enjoying and keep looking to fill up your cup.